And I just
Stepped
Out
Into the world
That looked the same
But was somehow
Different
Straggled hair
And dusty shoes
I wasn’t sure my legs would even carry me
I stood in the takeaway
And I felt
Normal
How it used to feel
I closed my eyes to
The stacked chairs and tables
I didn’t look at the shiny new stickers on the floor
I pretended not to see
Haggard tired eyes
Or hear the fraught
Kindness in the voices
I smiled
My face unused to the exercise
I went back
To a different time
In my head,
There was noise and laughter
The ghosts of happiness
Footsteps, light and free
Haunted the tiles
Where I stood
Adrift in a fantasy world
I sucked in air
It was like
Pressing down on water
My hands dripping wet
With nothing to show for the effort
Because whatever was here
Is gone now
I could only remake it in my head
I clutched a bag
Of soggy, greasy food
All the way home
I wafted the smell of hot chips
Through my kitchen
With tears in my eyes
I fondled polystyrene
Lovingly looking at the limp cheese
And chewing on cardboard meat
I remember this
Gone are the days of everything
I settle for less
When I buy toiletries
In half filled streets
Pale, sunlight starved, stupefied masses
Are making their way out
As if the zombies have been
Re-lifed
What happened when I was cocooned
In lockdown
Maybe it wasn’t real
Real was somewhere
Outside
I think I have cabin fever
But no fever
Because then I would need a test
My words run on and on
For so long there has been
Nothing to say
No self improvement
For so long there has been
A quiet waiting
The only voices
The ones in my head
A quiet piece of music
A stiltified song unsung
Like pressing my hands
Down through the
thick
deep
water
A noise, lyrical and loud
But not a song
The world off kilter
And I feel all wrong
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A Tuesday Latte 