And the yoga instructor says cactus arms
I look at everyone else
It is clear no one is thinking what I am thinking
In my head, my arms are turning green
Spouting giant spikes
I am at a children’s party,
Popping all the balloons
Adults look on horrified
The yoga instructor’s voice is calm, relaxed
But I am in the ocean
Swimming with my cactus arms
Deflating toddler armbands
Parents are yelling and screaming
As small children drown
I don’t find yoga relaxing
Then we’re on to cat- cow
A cat? A cow?
A cat cow? What does that even look like?
Is it a really furry cow that meows?
Or a really large cat that is particularly stupid?
Seriously what is a cat cow?
I’ve never seen one,
Does the milk taste the same?
I find yoga conceptually difficult
Then there’s downward facing dog
Why is he looking down?
Why does the dog have to be so sad?
The poor dog, in a downward spiral
Head on its paws, chastened, sad
When it should be chasing its tail
Instead its caught in an endless downward spiral
Only depression awaits it
My friend says I take yoga too literally
Then there is a rabbit and a camel
And a dolphin
A whole bloody zoo of animals
All of them captive to the human spirit
There’s one legged pigeon
Oh poor one legged pigeon
How one legged pigeon suffers
I have never done two legged pigeon
I recently went vegan
And felt I had to give up yoga