Humanity is full of hubris. We always like to think that we exist in the most advanced moment in time. Everybody on the planet convinced they are at the apex of human creation, at the forefront of technological advance.
And then one day that hubris is shattered. A piece of knowledge here, a discovery there, and we are reminded that the time line has not always moved forward in everything. There are things we know now and things we have lost. And for a moment we are reminded, it’s not always linear it’s much messier.
And then one day, THEY return.
Not where we thought they would, or would have thought if we knew they existed. They did not rock up to the Pentagon like in the movies. They were coming home albeit briefly.
They arrived somewhere in the desert of Australia. To say they were less than impressed with what we had done with that continent was an understatement. They did not like the arid nature of the interior of it, but they kept that largely to themselves. It was just very obvious when they managed to grow a plush oasis there in a few days, that they thought our desert idea was a bit naff.
We never thought we had a choice.
There was no grand announcement of their arrival either. There were some odd satellite pictures, people were trying to explain. An internet conspiracy about aliens landing within hours of, there had been a long trail of fuel and ash in the air over the northern part of Australia that no one could explain. It was a meteorite according to official sources but not like one anyone had seen before.
Someone should investigate but no one did. So really the earliest anyone knew that they were back was when they walked into an outback pub and asked if they could use the interior space to set up so they could speak to the UN Secretary General.
You see all sorts in these outback pubs so the publican didn’t put much store by it. Just explained the tech they had to hand at the pub and gave the name of the current UN Sec Gen. He’d passed through and visited the pub a few years earlier. He travels more than most people think.
The publican thought he might even still have his number somewhere. They said not to worry they had it anyway. Within two minutes they were set up and rather than using any conventional method, and by this I mean a mobile or satellite phone they had some other device and just put themselves through.
The publican was able to step in and verify for the Sec Gen that the call was real, and that the people though dressed slightly oddly with a weird smell were genuinely in his pub and talking to him. After a few reminisces about the time spent in the pub and the publican being able to recall his order, the Sec Gen took the call.
They were back. Some humans from quite some time ago. They’d colonised another planet. Quite some time ago was the best approximation we got for how long ago they had left earth. Being honest, the local indigenous community did not seem that surprised by their arrival. Almost as if they had interacted at some point in the past before.
The Sec Gen wanted to keep it quiet, but that is not how an outback pub works. People started arriving before the call was even finished.
They proceeded to explain to the UN Sec Gen that they were back and taking passengers, as earth was quite near the tipping point. They didn’t mind him telling people about the tipping point, we were too far gone to overthink the panic apparrently. They had researched everything and were of the view life on planet earth was not sustainable for that much longer.
They had a plan. Not for us, but for their own colony, as a last outpost for humanity when we had destroyed earth, but they needed to boost their population a bit.
The focus would be on indigenous populations from earth who still had a connection to the land, Native Americans, Indigenous Australians, Pacific islanders, some of the residents of Africa, South America, various other places that had a proper bond with the land. That was the type of culture they had came from. Couldn’t risk the more modern cultures of over consumption that had destroyed the planet.
The UN Sec Gen tried to protest, but they just entered direct negotiations with various populations. Some groups opted to stay and some to go. Most opted to go. It seemed counterintuitive that some of these groups would agree to go, given their connection, but they could see the writing on the wall more clearly than most. Many of them had already experienced climate upheaval.
They were taking a few extras, more females than males, roughly 75% to 25%. They had done the Maths and this seemed to produce a stable balance. They would be taking a stable of post menopausal women as part of that, as they were generally the holders of earths knowledge. They had already uploaded all of the books and were quite surprised that humans hadn’t yet bothered to set out to settle any other planet.
We were, on their thinking, a bit behind where we should be, including on how we thought about the stewardship of earth.
They knew the rough timeline of how technology had developed and would develop, having gone through it themselves and reassured the Sec Gen that at some point in the next 20 years or so there would be an explosion in technological advancement. Once the whole AI thing had blown over and died, some genuinely useful tech would come along and we could think about going somewhere other than earth.
If we survived until then that is, and reading between the lines, they were not at all convinced we would. But not to worry if we all died out, they’d come back and settle here again maybe.
Their advice was not Mars, they had tried it and it was a no. Also avoid Saturn. Neptune and Jupiter were starters and they’d left some stuff behind ages ago and moved on. Otherwise there advice on planetary settlement was minimal.
They would be here for five weeks max. No they didn’t need anything. No, it was not possible to share their technology. Yes they had taken the Kit Kats, that recipe being more ancient than many people realised. This was not a benevolent visit really, they just needed a little more cultural diversity and a few older women to store the knowledge.
They couldn’t stay long, the whole place was all terribly backward from what they’d been observing, everyone bent on consuming everything. All of us badly dressed apparently. They had done some earlier species saving journeys and we would at least reap the benefit of that. They announced quietly they would be repopulating the bees before they left. Give us a good chance of survival, although they laughed as they said that.
They’d also be adding some extra sharks, to protect the ocean, perhaps we should stay out of the water. Also more of those human attack orcas, maybe leave the oceans alone now. They’d also do a quick plastic pick up for us and drop a bunch of it in space, and they were leaving a carnivorous tree species, whatever that was. Said it would help preserve our forests.
The transports came and people were boarded in an orderly fashion. They were quite specific, they had a list of the extras, in a santa claus kind of way. There was no other space, for anyone. Not a single tech bro was taken. They didn’t even engage with them, leaving us behind to deal with the subsequent tantrums.
People clamoured and complained. People turned up to look, but they did not deviate from their plan. They maimed and injured those who got in the way. There may have been the odd death but it was not diplomatic to report that.
Within five weeks they were gone. Leaving us with some reminders about our hubris. The whole thing was quite humiliating.
Suddenly the sharks were more numerous, and well, very bitey. The orcas were a menace and shipping dropped considerably, alongside any kind of other activity in or on the water. The carnivorous trees locked us out of the forests. We thought we still had the skies, but they blasted most of the satellites out of the sky as they went, meaning we had no tracking systems.
We were thrown into what felt like the dark ages, and whereas we had thought we were at the front of history, that our technology was the best, we had discovered it was not.
Humans are clever creatures, within a few months, people questioned if it ever happened. Had anyone really seen it? There were some dodgy videos and that one man in the outback pub who kept swearing it was real. People blamed the government, wherever they happened to be. The UN Sec Gen had a breakdown so he was no help.
There were members of some of the groups that went who stayed behind, but they were already marginalised, so there voice was not heard.
People quickly decided it had not happened. And here we are at the forefront of history again. Thinking of Mars, despite the warnings, and the orcas have always been a menace, and planes unreliable, and the sharks are just something we live with, but every time someone is taken by a tree, there is a feeling deep inside everyone of us, an inkling, that there was something else. Someone else. Something, someone we have forgotten.
A Tuesday Latte 